


Missing Them

by Mana_Syx



Series: Sad WOL Hours [2]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Character Death, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Final Fantasy XIV: Heavensward Spoilers, Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers Spoilers, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Male Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Other, Pain, Past Relationship(s), Sad, Wakes & Funerals, Yearning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:13:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25482964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mana_Syx/pseuds/Mana_Syx
Summary: This is a sequel to Crystal Collapse and takes place after a funeral for G'raha Tia and how WOL is (not) dealing with the loss of someone he loves dearly.This contains spoilers for both Heavensward and ShadowBringers, however, this is based on a theory/idea and not 100% canon.
Relationships: Alphinaud Leveilleur & Warrior of Light, G'raha Tia | Crystal Exarch/Warrior of Light, Haurchefant Greystone/Warrior of Light, Solus zos Galvus | Emet-Selch/Warrior of Light, Urianger Augurelt/Thancred Waters, Warrior of Light & Thancred Waters
Series: Sad WOL Hours [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1845967
Kudos: 2





	Missing Them

**Author's Note:**

> THIS WORK CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR FINAL FANTASY XIV: HEAVENSWARD AND SHADOWBRINGERS 5.0-5.2
> 
> yeah, this is going to hurt.

It had been two weeks since the funeral. On that day it had rained as though the twelve themselves sobbed in mourning. Many people came to pay their respects and say a final farewell to the man who had helped save them, who had created a place of refuge for so many, who touched so many lives. 

They had laid white lilies in the casket with him, Lyna had gone first, then each of the scions and finally Mikha. As he laid the flower down over his chest he felt his heart clench and tears begin to slide down his cheeks gazing down at the peaceful sleep-like expression on G’raha Tia’s face. He turned around to see Y’shtola holding a handkerchief out to him which he accepted with a nod before drying his eyes and taking his place next to the scions. 

Lyna had given a lovely eulogy and each of the scions had said their piece and then it was the warrior of darkness’ turn to speak. 

“The Crystal Exarch was important to all of us, I think most people here can say he touched their life in some way or another. To me he was a dear friend who needed looking after,” he chuckled sadly, “always worrying about others and the future. He was smart and immensely talented, but he was also very humble and at times shy. I remember once he had told me that he wished when all was said and done he wanted to join me on my adventures, to join me on my path in life, I only wish that he could’ve come on one last journey. I loved him very dearly, and I hope he will not be forgotten in the tides of time. As long as I live there will be one person who remembers him and I hope you carry him in your hearts as well” he ducked his head as the tears began anew. 

It had been two weeks since he had stood in front of everyone and given his final farewell and speech. Now he sat in his room, Emet his Shoebill on one side, Hythlodeus his tiny Ancient one on the other, and a tiny wind-up G’raha Tia sitting in his lap as he read through what books and research had been recovered from the wreckage. 

The toy's weight was but a small comfort, especially on nights when he was plagued by nightmares of the fight with Elidibus and the aftermath, of G’raha’s death, of him never getting to tell him that he loved him, he could reach over and pull it close as he sobbed. 

Some nights the dreams mixed with those of Amaurot, of losing Emet-Selch, where both of them blamed him for their deaths. They would yell and spit poison daggers straight into his heart. They would tell him how they could never love someone so useless as to not save the ones he loves, not even save one person. He knew they would never think or say such things, but sometimes it felt like demons had donned their appearances and slithered their way through his mind and attacked him in his sleep when he was at his most defenceless. 

On the nights when even the toy and his two minions were not enough to comfort him, he would go to G’raha Tia’s grave and he would talk, about anything, everything until he felt better. Sometimes it was about his day, others it was past adventures. More than once he had woken on the ground and his shoulder being shaken by one of the scions, usually Alphinaud. 

When Haurchefant he had acted similarly, even now from time to time he would visit the grave and leave flowers and let him know how he was doing. When Emet died there had been no grave to visit so he would go down to the tempest and talk and cry. 

Tonight was one of those nights, once he had calmed his breathing enough he settled Emet and Hythlodeus on his bed and told them he would be back before picking the mini G’raha and heading out. As he sat down in front of the headstone he pulled the toy into his lap cuddling it close. 

“You know I have often wondered if there is an afterlife, I hope so, I like to imagine you meeting someone who was very important to me. I’m sure you can guess who I’m talking about considering you’ve read ‘ _ The Heavensward _ ’, but I imagine you too would get on well. You’re both so kind and selfless, you both gave up everything for me in the end,” he hung his head as he remembered, “He said to me ‘A smile better suits a Hero’ but these days I’m finding it harder to smile. You each had your own burdens to bear, but you chose to bear mine as well. I carry each of you with me, in my heart and on my body.” he smiled sadly twirling the purple auracite necklace in his hands as his ears flicked shaking the crystal and gold earrings, on his wrist, he wore a bracelet made from part of Haurchefant’s Armor. “Sometimes I find myself standing where the crystal tower once stood, thinking about how I must tell you about something when I remember you are no longer there. I think of how the first time I thought I had lost you, you had sealed yourself in that tower, and that when I finally lost you it was because you chose to stay behind yet again to protect everyone. I miss you, I miss your selflessness, your kindness, your warmth, and everything.” reaching up to the earrings, “I will carry you with me on all the adventures to come, all the ones you wanted to share in because I can’t imagine being without you.” he takes a shuddering breath, “ I thought nothing could hurt more than when I lost Haurchefant, but then I lost Emet and again I thought nothing would hurt more, but losing you, losing you hurt more than anything I could’ve imagined and each day I find it harder and harder to carry on, but then I remember you did this so I could and I think ‘he’s watching me somewhere I can’t let him down, not after he gave me, his support, his love...his life’,” he lets out a soft sob, “E-eve-ven though you’re go-gone I still he-hear-r your voi-voice gui-guide-guiding me onwards.”

The warrior finally breaks down into silent sobs as he presses his face into the hair of the wind-up toy in his lap. He doesn’t know how long he sits there or when he fell asleep but eventually he feels a hand gently shaking his shoulder, standing behind him is Thancred. He stares silently, eyes puffy and red, curled around the small toy on the ground in front of the grave. 

“I know it’s hard to lose someone you love,” Thancred says as he sits down beside Mikha, “and I’m sorry that I couldn’t have done something different to help.” He hangs his head, “but it was what he wanted.”

“I know,” Mikha says looking at Thancred's surprised expression, “I don’t blame you, I think part of me did at first, but if you hadn’t done what you did then I fear his sacrifice may have been in vain. I, it’s just, thank you. I’m still upset and I may lash out at you, but I want you to know that I’m glad you accepted his final request and got us all out of there. ”

“I wouldn’t have been able to do it without Urianger or the others” He mumbled. 

“If you hadn’t acted they wouldn’t have known to act as well, Thancred.” He said softly, “You are not just my companion but my friend so I won’t have you acting as though your contributions have no meaning.” Mikha chuckled wetly. 

“Thank you, for not, uh, being angry at me” Thancred wrapped an arm around Mikha, “and what kind of friend would I be if I wasn’t here even when your ire is directed at me. After all, you have had to deal with more than your share of my outbursts after Minfillia.”

“That I did, my friend” Mikha laughed leaning his head on Thancred’s shoulder, “It’s going to be okay isn’t it?”

“Eventually, all things happen in time Mikha”

Mikha hummed in response and if hours later they were by Alphinaud and Urianger who both wore soft expressions and explained then when the two had not been seen for most the day they had grown worried, who was to say anything.

Perhaps this weight in his heart wouldn’t leave anytime soon and maybe the nightmares would continue to plague his mind, but maybe for the first time, he realized that he didn’t have to carry this alone and for that he was glad. 

**Author's Note:**

> catch me staying up until 4 am again writing things that make me and you cry. 
> 
> anyways I hope you enjoyed reading this and if you want to leave a comment and/or kudos please do!


End file.
